Welcome! To the only place in these here Appalachian Mountings that serves the best in cannibal cuisine! If you've a taste for tender, succulent human flesh and organs, y'all've come to the right place!

The Cannibal Cabin is the only source for cannibal cuisine (and the only building within 37 miles of the Interstate, the Ranger's Watchtower, and/or Ric's Tru Valu Gas Station, so really, if'n y'all're lost and have nothin' whatever to nibble on, it's us or no one!)

We offer a unique dining atmosphere of dimly lit cluttered rooms, filled with bloodstained utensils, homemade barbwire, buzzin' flies, exotic odors, and countless collections of car keys, camping equipment, and personal belongings from those (un)lucky enough to stumble upon our property, or camp anywhere near us.

We serve ever'thing, from eyeballs to lungs to biceps. Our entrees are kept fresh in our generator-fed refrigerator, c. 1972. Our three attractive chefs lovingly prepare each dish to your specific order, using unwashed, blood and filth-encrusted knives, axes, machettes, or whatever is on hand. We go on daily hunts, always on the lookout for healthy, young humans with plenty of flesh on their bones. As long as a steady supply of eager young vacationers roam our beautiful wilderness, our cannibal clientele will always be well fed, Yessiree!

The menu is endless, and offers just about anything you can imagine (except dessert, sorry!), from hideously smelly slow-cooked mystery broths to the best in raw red thigh meat cut fresh off a hot young libidinous girl!

Please, y'all take a gander at some of the mouth-watering meals on our menu!

Ever'one likes pleasant music while they dine. We ain't got one of them fancy jukeboxes yet, but we have a phonograph, passed down from our great-great-great-granddaddy, and a modest, but superb collection of moonshine tunes! Face it, there's nothin' worth singin' about, 'cept moonshine! Just make your request (the list is short, so it should be easy!) and we'll crank the ol' girl up!

Kentucky Moonshine by George Tucker

Carolina Moonshine by Al Hopkins & His Buckle Busters

Moonshine by Memphis Minnie

We don't know who sang this'n...actually it's a lotta talkin'...some poor hardworkin' moonshiner 'bout to git busted!

Moonshiner And His Money by Charlie Bowman

Moonshine Kate by Fiddlin' John Carson

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We didn't want to play this one in our resternt...it just doesn't belong! But Cletus, Jethro, Sallie Sue and Ellie Jean, they insisted we need to git with the times and in-corporate some "fresh" new music! When they befriended this young yankee lost from New York or Philly or somewheres, we knew he'd be a bad influence! And we was right, by George! Actually, his name was Vinnie or Fonzie or some'n like it. Well, we killed 'im and et 'im of course. The young'ns were happy to eat a yank that tasty. But they'd gotten into his devil music before we et 'im, and they found this 45 in his car, along with some more 45s and some 8 tracks of more of this noise! Young'ns these days! Actually, this all happened back in 1981, and the young'ns are in their 40s and 50s now. We told them we'd let them put just this one song in the collection. Mebbe we are behind the times. If'n you ask me though, this disco stuff's nowheres near as good as our moonshine mountain tunes, but if you want to hear it, we'll oblige ya...Just put a quarter in the offerin' plate and crank 'er up! We don't know who sang this loud, obnoxious jungle jive. We doubt you'll even enjoy it and the young'ns really ought to take it back to Vinnie's car!

Rave Reviews from Satisfying Customers!

"If you ask me, nature sucks..." Evan Toker, Elkridge, MD
"Next time she gets dumped, we'll take her to New York..." Francine Butchered, Elkridge, MD
"We are never going into the woods again!" Scott Pierced, Laurel MD
"We're all gonna die..." Carly B. Headed, Columbia, MD
"We should go..." Jessie Burlingame, Columbia, MD
"Oh no!" Chris Flynn, Pittsburg, PA

Now y'all'll need to jot down our address, so's if you're ever (un)lucky enough to git lost in these here parts again, y'all'll know where to find us:

The Cannibal Cabin
Rural Route 2, 1313666 Cripple Creek Road (Just off'n Bear Mounting Road!)
Middlanowhere, WV, in Greenbriar County
Phone: We ain't got no phone.

Well now, if'n after all this information y'all find you've come here by mistake, and don't want to sample any of our exceptional cannibal cookin', ya'd best to hightail it out of here and quick. See, we cannibals have quite an appetite and we love variety! Y'all gotta run fast 'cause we tend to kill ya pretty swiftly after we find you're not interested in stayin'!! So run, and don't look back! Don't let yer whiny gal slow ya down neither! Just run. And hope we don't catch y'all!

By the way, if'n you're still hungry (and alive of course), there is another resternt (and it's the only other resternt in these thar hills, from here to Charleston or Raleigh) about 42 miles northeast of here. Here's a sample menu the owner's poor wife left fer us some weeks ago. Tryin' to spread the word, like us, I guess. (She gave some of us the runs!) It's called The Roadkill Grill.

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